So I'm sitting at the airport and there was just an announcement on the loud speaker that went something like... "Thank you for flying out of Tampa International Airport, due to increased security risks some items may no longer be taken on flights. These items include weapons, hazarderous materials, and any cuttlery equipment. If you need specific details on what these items include please visit the security booth"...

I think what they meant to say is... "Hey dumbasses, dont try bring your guns or bombs on our planes, if you dont know what a weapon is im obviously not talking to you, and I'm not to sure if your mentally fit to be wondering around without a helmet on. Thanks for flying tampa international."

I've recently learned that 90% of people who suffer from depression are losers.

what is my biggest fear in life...    dinosaurs...

I think cold sores are the worst thing that could ever happen to a person.  Not only do I look like a complete ass, but it feels like I have aids on my lip.

I think its funny when little kids say bad words...

Why is it whenever someone goes to another country and comes back with photos there is always at least one picture of a McDonald's or KFC?  They are exactly the same as the ones down the road!  Did you really need to travel to Costa Rica for me to see a KFC; or are you just fascinated that the Ricans(of Costa) like the colonels chicken as much as you do?

                               

Sometimes I wish my brother was retarded so I could get a new house...

My sister dates a lot of black guys... Its not because she looks good or puts out, but she has great credit...  My parents should've just named her Co-signer.

Why are 97% of stereotypes true... and why are 76% of statistics made up on the spot?

I have a friend that is living in Switzerland.  The world clock on my iPhone says they're 6 hours ahead of us... If she has a kid does that mean her baby is born in the future?