I'm creating a dating website for amputees. Check it out.... stubhub.com

I'm writing a children's book about paraplegics, I'm gonna call it veggie tales

I'm developing an autobiographical reality television show about my life after college it's called The Biggest Loser

I saw the octomom on maury today they where trying to find the octobabydady

today while driving in my BRAND NEW CAR i had an accident.... it wasn't my fault though because I had taco bell for lunch

This is truly going to be a Funny Movie

Raaaaaaaandy - Part 1 (Funny People) from Aziz Ansari

i saw this guy in the gym the other day.. he was an older guy and he had on some awesome velcro sneakers.  After I saw this i noticed that almost every senior citizen i saw wearing sneakers that week were wearing velcro sneakers.... at some point in life do we just say screw it, Im done tying my shoes im way too old for this

Give it up

Peeing on the seat

I wish women would stop complaining about peeing on the seat... It can be difficult sometimes.. that's why I always pee in the sink.

If you don't think this is funny then Fuck you sir!

so i started the slim fast diet last month... those shakes are fantastic!!!!! I have like 3 with every meal... I haven't lost any weight yet, i don't understand :(

GI JOE!!!!!

The economy is just horrible.. and I'm broke. So I got some advice on money management. The guy said that the most important thing is to plan for major spending and to never spontaneously spend more money then you make in a day. I've been trying to work on that. Its hard though, today I went to McDonald's for lunch and bought a gatorade so I'm already screwed.

Check Me out on the Nobody Likes Onions Comedy Podcast episode 376

Nobody Likes Onions